Toxic Relationships

On a soul level, every relationship we have had we have prearranged for the sole purpose of our souls evolution. So what do you do when confronted with the realization that a relationship you have been holding onto is not for your highest good.

From a most recent personal experience, I have had to dive deep and ask myself some really difficult questions. Why have I held onto this relationship for so long? What do I feel on an emotional level when I tune into myself the very moment I even think about cutting the cord?

Why do I feel fear? What am I afraid to lose? What belief systems do I have around this relationship, and what I will lose should end the relationship?

All of these questions I had to not only face, but journey through the emotional experience. I had to face the truth to the answers of all of my questions. And painfully, I had to face the raw truth my decision would take me to in keeping or ridding myself of this relationship.

I realized I had held onto this relationship for so long because all of my life all I have ever wanted was to experience a deep spiritual connection to someone who would be a pure reflection of what I give to relationships I hold dear to me. Honor, loyalty, safety, security, validation, availability… a long history of an intimate friendship, and most of all a reliable and deep emotional connection that would cause them to show up when crap really mattered!

I experienced fear at the thought of ending that relationship because I had grown comfortable and familiar with this partnership. Frankly, the only role this person has fulfilled was the history we have had in our friendship. And sadly, that is the most I have ever gotten in return.

Then I had to face the truth of our relationship. Our relationship has always been and has only been one sided. One where I moved heaven and earth for this person when they most needed someone to be available and present. Emotionally, physically, and financially.

Always at the expense of myself. Always at my own inconvenience, and the consumption of my energy. Never, not once, has this person ever filled a space of equal exchange of energy, time, nor commitment.

In the past, I have considered cutting the chord, but could never get around the thought or fear of the ‘What If’. What if I am being to 'judgey'? Because if I let go of this relationship that is a reflection of me ‘judging’ them.

I would convince myself to not cut ties because of the ‘what if’s’. What if this person changes and shows up when I truly need them the most?

I would tell myself, you are not being ‘Super Spiritual’ if you don't allow them to express and be themselves for who and what they are. Tolerance was my Achilles Heel…

That's when I realized that I was operating from the perspective of the ego! Not from a position of Enlightenment or wholeness or oneness. Because an enlightened being can always love from afar.

In all honesty, I will always love this person and I am so grateful! So grateful... that this person fulfilled a role in my life to help me evolve and become aware of choosing me! They taught me how you can love someone from afar, but love yourself more.

Enough to step back and say, "I love you! I always will! But you, in this moment, are not for my highest good. And I thank you for helping me realize that and get to a place in my life where I can now honor myself and step back from this relationship and let it go. Because where our relationship is at now is not good for me or you."

I am finally willing to be without because this relationship is not for my highest evolution.

I am no longer afraid of missing out on something to the point where I will turn everything upside down to salvage this relationship.

Because now I can feel validated and feel loved without the belief that ‘someone else’ must reflect it to me.

I no longer have to create that perfect relationship because the perfect relationship I have been wanting and waiting for the most is and always has been the relationship I have with myself.

So in that sense, my friend, I love you and I honor you in this moment for showing me that I am truly the one I have been waiting for


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